Messy March
Finding the Beauty within the Mess
It’s only March 18th. Plenty of time to go in the month.
I start this post and realize it’s been a month since my last long post and a couple people have followed me since then, of which I am grateful! Welcome! With that happy feeling, I am also immediately on edge, the feeling of inconsistency and overwhelm, and “what am I even doing on here?” creep in. Messy. Welcome to the mess. My sleep has been moody which wrecks havoc on my getting up early. Mes-s-y.
I changed my Youla Zoom class information three times this month. Mes-s-s-y.
Yesterday was March 17th, St. Paddy’s (or Patrick’s) Day. I was at home recovering from a 14.5 mile run/hike/walk the day before which meant up and down the stairs many times, cleaning the house, prepping for leaving in a few days, and packing. But part of what I like to do before leaving for anywhere is to try to use up as much produce and fridge food as possible. I had already defrosted ground turkey (of which I am really starting to detest ground anything). Still, it was defrosted. I started to feel just a hint festive, and wondered if in the busy day I could pull off the easiest ‘ode to the Irish. One year I figured out that I am 1/16 Irish- nothing to write home about- but I remember feeling some pride in the day. I’ve also participated in my share of Irish 5k’s that are, let’s face it, more about the beer after than the actual race.
I present to you my Simple Irish Pot Roast. I was even brave enough to try a new quick soda bread recipe, making only a mini loaf, since we have plenty of food in the fridge to get through and reduce waste. After having a bite, I wished I’d made a big loaf! The process for everything was about an hour, which is quite incredible for the amount of flavor and flare. Sometimes simple really is best. I made everything in the Le Creuset which my husband insisted on buying over 5 years ago when he first started making sourdough, before the 2020 sourdough craze. He has put his starter away for months at a time, but recently got back to baking again. I have to admit, I love the Le Creuset, a one pot wonder.
As I went along, I tried to think of the easiest way to do the thing. The process and recipe I made went like this: 2 cups of veg stock, salt, pepper, thyme and a bay leaf, add small potatoes, 4-5 carrots peeled and chopped into chunks, a 1/4 onion in one large chunk which was all the onion I had, and probably 6-8 whole cloves of garlic thrown in. Bring to a boil and simmer approx 25 mins. Remove potatoes, carrots and plop balls of ground turkey into the remaining veg stock. When I say plop, I mean it. My first plans included that I needed to make meatballs and even pre-brown them in a separate pan before adding to the liquid which would create more dishes. I took a breath. How can I make this more simple? I told myself keep to ONE pot. I didn’t add any seasoning to the ground meat, I didn’t add any breadcrumbs nor attempt to shape them into meatballs, I grabbed the meat with my fingers and plopped them into the drippings. I trusted that they would mostly hold together and get the flavor from what was already there, and it worked. I boiled those approx 5-7 mins a side, turned down low, chopped some super rough cut cabbage (1/3 of a head or so) and put that over the meat, then about 5-10 mins later, added back in the potatoes and carrots over top and let everything sit until the loaf was fully done. The loaf I was working on in between stuff, but it was flour, baking powder, salt, a little sugar, egg whites, and buttermilk. I added caraway seeds and currants. A little needing in flour on the counter and shaping. Forgot to slice a line in the top (how messy!), and in the oven at 450 degrees for 10 mins, then down to 400 degrees for 15-20 mins. I was figuring the timing out as I went since my loaf was much smaller than the recipe and when I first took it out there was a little doughyness in the middle, so I put it down to 300 and baked a little longer. This dinner was delicious, and I was proud of myself for taking time out of the busy day to nourish us with food that might have gone to waste. The mini loaf was a luxury, and it tasted like it. It was nearly gone in one sitting. The seasonings on this meal were basic, but became elevated when combined. I think that’s a great lesson for life- consistency, showing up, doing the mundane like cleaning out your fridge, taking time to feed yourself vs. getting take out, and doing something creative like cooking an experimental meal- all of these can elevate our lives.
The theme of messiness was inspired by my friend Amanda, who came up with a whole dance themed playlist you can find here:
Another messy part of March was in finishing my vision board for 2025. 2024 has been staring at me from my peripheral vision, and mocking me. It’s March. It’s not too late if you, too, have put off this task to the side, or even if you’ve never done a vision board before. I present to you, “Keeping it Real.” I am learning more than ever to be my authentic self.
The first week of March, I decided to put my first annual “Before I Die” Festival on the calendar for October 24th-26th, 2025. This was not an original concept. It comes from the brilliant Gail Ruben whom I met in January of 2024 (Before I Die). She gave me tips and I put those away. Now it’s time to dust off that folder and move forward with it. As soon as I decided on it, ideas poured out for participants, sessions, and mayhem. I immediately sent out two invites and got one Rsvp. Have I sent out any more since then? No, sweepingly messy. They are on my to do list for the week of Monday the 24th, of which many to do’s have been pushed to that week. That brings me to the why I am putting off work.
I finally was coerced enough to sign up for a 100k, the Badger Mountain Challenge. I had signed up the past two years for BMC in Richland, WA. The first year I completed the 50 mile. The second year I completed the 50 mile after signing up for the 100 mile initially, changing to the 100k, and then deciding after 19 miles of hip pain to stop at 50 miles. That was always an option for the BMC- you can stop at 50 mile and still get a medal but if you keep going for the 100K and fail, it’s a DNF/no medal. In some ways it still felt like a DNF although it wasn’t officially called that. It made me seriously think 50 mile was my limit and at the end of last years race I told myself I’d come back as a volunteer for the big race day, and do a lesser race the second day. I won’t get into the details of what went wrong in last years race, but it is clear that Tiffany and I bonded over shared non-regimented training, food, and the fact that both our moms had died in the previous year. I first met Tiffany at BMC in 2023. She was raising awareness for MMIW, and I had a laminated picture of my mom on my running vest. Mom was on hospice. I didn’t know at the time, but my mom died exactly 3 weeks after the race. Tiffany and I chatted at the mile 31 aid station and then we leap frogged each other; then she took off at the end and I never saw her again. In 2024, we briefly re-met around mile 25 and she was once again ahead of me. I caught up at the mile 31 aid station, and again we started chatting. This time her achilles tendon was inflamed and I had started getting hip pain of which I had never had before. We started off from mile 31 and as the night wore on, we became inseperable. We were mainly walking and it gave much opportunity to talk and find out all we had in common- including our dead moms. It was healing. We were in pain and the last 6 miles brought us sleet and wind. I let her borrow a wooly hat as the cold was really affecting her. We finished at 50. We became Facebook friends and have kept in touch. I really love her. So when she started planting the idea of us doing the 100K this year, my immediate reaction was “no.” She worked on me. She is good. Love won out.
Tiffany has been featured in her friends Podcast and she explains her own lack of training and much more good life stuff. Check it out: Miles & Mountains Podcast
Because I couldn’t get myself together enough to do my own cause, Tiffany is running on behalf of two of her friends; one who has Hodgkins Lymphoma and another who has survived it. My mom also had non-hodgkins lymphoma the first time she had cancer. If you’d like to donate: Leukemia & Lymphoma donation
These are some facts from Tiffany about this awful disease:
🍋🟩Hodgkin’s Lymphoma risk factors:
EPSTEIN-BARR VIRUS-The Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) causes infectious mononucleosis (often called mono). People who have had mono have an increased risk of HL. But even though the risk is higher than for people who haven’t had mono, it is still very small (about 1 in 1,000).
AGE- Can be diagnosed at any age but more commonly in early adulthood.
SEX- Occurs slightly more in males.
FAMILY HISTORY- Brothers and sisters of young people with this disease have a higher risk for HL. The risk is very high for an identical twin of a person with HL. But a family link is still uncommon – most people with HL do not have a family history of it.
WEAKENED IMMUNE SYSTEM-The risk of HL is increased in people infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
People who take medicines to suppress the immune system after an organ transplant and people with auto-immune diseases are also at higher than normal risk for HL.
Source- American Cancer Society
I have pivoted from some of the things I did last year, I have an incredible pair of shoes (New Balance Hierro), brand new toe socks, and this year I live in a house that has 15 stairs which I take several times per day. That should be enough training, right?
As for my 12 new-to-me-things, I am on track. I went on a solo writing retreat to Langly, WA to write a short story about my life. More on that in another blog. I also went to my first Threshold Choir practice, and found my sisterhood. I felt like a piece that had been missing found a way into my soul! This is a regular singing outlet for me. We practiced singing bedside and tears were shed of the recipients, those pretending to be on hospice or dying. It was clearly a transformational experience for them. I await my time in the chair. I continue to chip away at the book “My Baseball Story” with my dad with regular visits. And lastly, I wanted to ruck a race, which instead became signing up for the longest distance I’ve ever signed up for- the 100K.
Did I mention I’ve only been training for this 100K since February 12th? Did I bring up that I have had a bad cold last week? (fortunately I was negative for Covid and the Flu) This has definitely been the messiest training for anything I’ve done to date- exciting! Oh, the possibilities! I have a strong mental game, and I really do believe I can do it, or rather WE can do it. When I compare what I did last year to prepare vs. what I did this year, there really is no comparison. I’ve decided I’m not going to mentally go into a critical space. I have been doing the best I can with the time I have. I am capable. I am healthy. I am strong. The race has an ample 32.5 hours with which I could use all of them to WALK the race (but oh my god that would be painful in it’s own way). If I allow myself to be overcome by the weight of 62 miles, then I won’t finish. Doing an endurance race is about breaking it down into chunks, mainly divided up by aid stations, and this race has plenty of them at about every 4-7 miles! It makes a massive, messy race a little more palatable to eat it a bite at a time (literally- they have the BEST food that I’m looking forward to. I see you burger at mile 40!).
March has also brought daffodils and azaleas to my yard without me lifting a finger. March has been time spent with my little sister in her music venture, “Out of the Ashes.” March birthed meaningful conversations, family time, and berry smoothies served in martini glasses. March has meant less alcohol in my body. March has become less depressing with the “forced” training that moves my body, releasing the good dopamine often accompanied by fresh air. March has been tall trees, waterfalls, sunshine and glistening lakes. March is texts from friends, and laughter with neighbors. March is endless dog snuggles.
I hope you walk away from reading this knowing that even messy can be meaningful. Messy is part of life. Messy sometimes IS life. Keep showing up in whatever messy way you can. The hard, the uncomfortable, is sometimes the gift wrapped in a messy package. I’m confident you are doing the best you can. And that is what will guide you though the muddy mess. I know this political climate is also messy. Let me leave you with what I know- a simple values meme that sums up what I am focused on. Let’s not be distracted by our mess. Let’s re-focus. One step at a time.
Feel free to drop your messy moments in the comments below.
Warmly,
Beck